Thanksgiving is a holiday that brings families together, but it can also stir up a mix of emotions. While we look forward to delicious food and sharing memories, we also know that family gatherings can sometimes be a bit chaotic. A lighthearted spirit can make all the difference, especially when you have a collection of funny Thanksgiving quotes at your disposal!
Unlike Christmas, where the pressure to buy gifts looms large, Thanksgiving is about gratitude and good food. However, it also comes with its unique set of challenges, such as cooking the perfect turkey, managing family dynamics, and keeping the mood light. That's why we've curated some of the funniest quotes from comedians and beloved TV shows to help you navigate your Turkey Day!
From witty observations about family quirks to hilarious takes on the holiday’s food traditions, these quotes will ensure that you—and your relatives—are laughing through the day. So, let’s dive into these memorable quotes that promise to bring joy and laughter to your Thanksgiving celebrations!
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
- “Thanksgiving ... that is all about overeating. One of the main dishes is actually called ‘stuffing.’ Stuffing? What names did they turn down? ‘Cram-it-in?’ ‘Eat-till-you-can’t-breathe?’ — Jim Gaffigan
- “This one has gotten me into trouble in the past. But I’m sorry, I have to say this: Thanksgiving is too close to Christmas!” — Seth Meyers
- “The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.” — John Walters
- “Can I get an alcohol?” — Nick Miller, “New Girl”
- “Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” — Richard Roeper
- “Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.” — Wayne Huizenga
- “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.” — Jay McInerney, “The Last of the Savages”
- “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” — W.C. Fields
- “After all, the best part of a holiday is perhaps not so much to be resting yourself, as to see all the other fellows busy working.” — Kenneth Grahame, “The Wind in the Willows”
- “Turkey for me, turkey for you. Let’s eat the turkey in my big brown shoe.” — Adam Sandler, “The Thanksgiving Song”
- “I haven’t even finished eating all of my Halloween candy!” — Sally Brown, “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”
- “One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.” — Oscar Wilde, “The Picture of Dorian Gray”
- “Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.” — Ellen DeGeneres
- “Every Thanksgiving I bring the champagne, because in my family we all know what our strengths are.” — Gloria Fallon
- “I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” — Craig Ferguson
- “After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” — Oscar Wilde
- “I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.” — Howie Mandel
- “Happy Thanksgiving! This year I’m thankful that your family is so annoying you’re checking Twitter instead of talking to them.” — Stephen Colbert
- “Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” — John Lyon
- “You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like the Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” — Joey Tribbiani, “Friends”
- “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” — Erma Bombeck
- “Thanksgiving: when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.” — Melanie White
- “Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.” — Conan O’Brien
- “My cooking was so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” — Phyllis Diller
- “Thanksgiving, the day where there’s never enough food. You can’t just have a turkey. No, there has to be a roast beef or a ham too. Or both. It’s the only day we have mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes.” — Lewis Black
- “I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
- “I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.” — Joan Rivers
- “A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.” — Jimmy Fallon
- “A lot of Thanksgivings have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” — Kin Hubbard
- “The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.” — John Walters
- “What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” — Erma Bombeck
- “I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” — Robert Brault
- “You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, ‘Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.’” — Dylan Brody
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