Why don’t mummies gossip? They don’t want to get a bad wrap. If you’re booing right now (and you’re most definitely not a ghost), then our work here is done, because these bad-but-good Halloween jokes are intended to make you groan even if you aren’t a zombie. In fact, these one-liners, Halloween puns, and knock-knocks are so funny that all the laughing they’re bound to inspire will likely wake the dead!
Speaking of which, have you ever wondered why skeletons don't skydive? They just don’t have the guts. We see you cringing over our Halloween-inspired dad jokes. But you’re also giggling because these cringy wisecracks are a total scream — in all the right ways, of course. You'll be happy to know that there are more Halloween jokes where those came from, including gags on jack-o'-lanterns, witches, zombies, vampires, ghosts, monsters, and everything else related to October 31.
For instance, what do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hot dog! We're totally howling over here, and soon you will be too because all these Halloween jokes are scary good.
Best Halloween Jokes
- Why did the skeleton quit his job? His heart wasn’t in it.
- Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner? He was already stuffed.
- What do you call an overweight pumpkin? A plump-kin.
- Why did the skeleton go to the butcher? He was looking for spare ribs.
- Why don’t mummies gossip? They don’t want to get a bad wrap.
- Why was the witch late for work? She over-swept.
- What do you call a lost wolf? A where-wolf.
- Why are mummies always stressed out? They can't unwind.
- Why don't vampires play baseball? Their bats keep flying away.
- Why did the invisible man quit his job? He couldn't see himself doing it.
- What’s the best way to speak to a giant mummy? Use big words.
- What’s a black cat’s favorite song? “Three Blind Mice.”
- Why did the ghost need first aid? He had a boo-boo.
- What do you call an enlightened werewolf? An aware-wolf.
- What’s a monster’s favorite game? Hide-and-go-shriek.
- Why can't you trust vampires? Because they're bat to the bone.
- What do ghosts like to watch on TV? Saturday Fright Live.
- What's the best lake to visit on Halloween? Lake Eerie.
- What do weight-conscious vampires drink? Blood light.
- How are zombie boats operated? With skeleton crews.
- How do ghosts score touchdowns? They get the ball across the ghoul-line.
- What do you call a monster who likes to dance? A boogie man.
- Why don't witches like winter? Too many cold spells.
- What did the werewolf say when he broke his toe? “Ow-oooooh!”
- Who won the skeleton 5K? No body.
- Why did the werewolf eat a bag of coins? He thought the change would do him good.
- Why did the zombie eat brains? He wanted food for thought.
- What day of the week do ghosts like best? Moan-day.
- What did the ghost say to the toilet? “You appear a bit flushed.”
- What kind of felines like to bowl? Alley cats.
- How do ghosts become pilots? They go to fright school.
- How do ghosts play the piano? They use sheet music.
- Where do sorcerers go when they get sick? The witch doctor.
- Why doesn't Frankenstein dance? He has two left feet.
- Why don't skeletons skydive? They don't have the guts.
- Why did the ghost join the soccer team? It wanted to be a ghoulie.
- What do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hog dog.
- How do bats know how to fly? They just wing it.
- What do bats do in their free time? Hang out.
- Why do witches like hotels? They get broom service.
- Why did the ghost blow its nose? It had boo-gers.
- What kind of shoes do ghosts wear in the winter? Boo-ts.
- Why did the cyclops quit its teaching job? It only had one pupil.
- What do cemeteries and books have in common? Plots.
- What's a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangs-giving.
- What do birds hand out on Halloween? Tweets.
- Why did the ghost go to the mall? He needed new boo jeans.
- What’s the best way to hire a vampire? Put him on a ladder.
- How do monsters stay cool in the summer? They use scare-conditioning.
- Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- Did you hear about the black cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
- How do French ghosts greet each other? They say, “bone-jour!”
- Where do baby monsters go when their parents are at work? Day-scare.
- Did you hear about the invisible man who went to the doctor? He's still waiting to be seen.
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